Saturday, January 09, 2010

Worried.

I’m feeling so very low right now.
I realize that so much of my personal feelings of satisfaction & contentment come from when Thomas is doing well. This could be dangerous, I suppose. Probably is. But when he’s our only child, and as I’ve said to people lately, we’ve put all our eggs in one basket there, it’s difficult not to feel terrific when he’s doing well, and feeling like shit when he’s not.
He’s started playing with his feces. Okay, his shit. There. I said it. It’s so upsetting I can hardly think clearly.
He’s been doing so well with potty training – even was dry for several weeks overnight. He was sleeping in underwear and was dry in the morning. But that ended over the Christmas break, and I’m hoping that once we’re truly back in the swing of a routine, it will go back to the way it was. But he’s even peeing through the overnight diaper, meaning that we have to wash his sheets and underwear & jammies almost every night. He even had a peeing accident last night while watching a video. Add on to this the new totally disgusting and disturbing activity of playing w/ the toilet water and poop, and I’m in despair. We think what he does is put one of his fingers up his anus when he’s in the bathroom by himself and pooping, and then smearing it on his shirt or legs. I even found it in his hair once.
So the obvious remedy is not to leave him alone in the bathroom. This is easier said than done, and so disappointing and frustrating since he’s been poop-trained for almost two years now. Back to endless time sitting in the bathroom with him.
Plus, it’s just disturbing, this new activity. It shows such a lack of…I don’t even know how to put it. People who care about wanting to be liked do not spread shit on themselves. Mental disturbance? Cognitive dysfunction? Psychosis? I could just cry thinking about it. What’s happening? He never did this as a small child – never. And I was so glad that he didn’t. Why now? What triggered this? Is it just that it feels cool to stick your finger up there? And he can hardly help himself around water – he could just be playing in the toilet water because he likes playing in any manner of water, but EEEWW. YUCK.
My poor boy. Now what? Are we entering into a very dark time for him? Do other more serious diagnoses or problems face us?

4 comments:

lemming said...

I think that the serenity prayer is often cliched and over-used, but it applies here. There are some aspects to T that you can change or help, some that you cannot. What makes you such an extraordinary mother is that you keep going. You measure your successes in microscopic pieces sometimes, but you find them and I am in awe.

Just because you ended up in Holland instead of Paris doesn't mean that Holland is always easy. Neither is Paris.

Anne said...

I love you.

Anonymous said...

Keep writing and asking questions of those you know and trust that you will get the answers to understand this disturbing faze in T's development.
You are an amazing mother...loved and cherished... keep praying and sharing. xo nonnie

Marcus Tetley said...

My son took 8 years to become fully toilet trained, and even now sometime he doesn't wipe properly and then picks at it later. The only thing I can say to you is that things will be the way you want them to be when he is ready...

my son went from being completely dependant on nappies to, not allowing any soiling of his nappy, to holding in his poo, and then only pooing in a bath! Eventually, he worked out what we wanted and realised what we wanted was the best for all of us...

Good luck!!

It does get better, but then again in other ways it, will get worse too...

Like other have said, enjoy the successes, they'll help you feel better about the bad days...